Contact

We’ve just returned from a week away with my extended family (me, Simon and the girls, my parents, my sister, her husband and their two children). There were things about the trip that I was looking forward to – seeing my family of course, catching up with their lives. When we lived in London I saw my sister almost every week but now it’s only every few months. My children adore their older cousins and were very excited. I was looking forward to someone else getting up in the morning to give my children their breakfast!

There were also things I was apprehensive about. Would we be able to all do what we wanted to do? Would we tread on each others toes? My mum tends to need to know what we’re going to eat every day a week in advance whereas on holiday we like to be a bit more laid back. My dad is a little obsessive about the weather forecast. My sister’s kids annoy each other just by breathing, sometimes. I don’t want to give the impression we don’t get along because we do, but I wonder how people cope when their families live in the same town, street, house even? I know there is a lot we miss out on because we don’t but there are advantages too.

What makes life simpler? Living in close contact with your extended family or keeping a bit of distance between you? My best friend moved to the States about 15 years ago and has missed close contact with her family. She has two children who see their aunts, uncles, grandma, granddad, cousins maybe once a year and often less. When her first child was born, her mum flew over to be with her and help out, but a week later and she wasn’t just a phone call away, she was thousands of miles away.

At the other extreme, some families live in each other’s pockets. I have friends who wanted their mum to be with them when they gave birth (I’m close to my mum but there’s no way on earth I would want her there for that!). Two of my friends are sisters who live in nearby streets and see each other every day. Their children go to the same school. Other friends have their whole family living in town. Some couldn’t bear the thought of one of them moving away. Then again, one friend feels suffocated.

When I grew up I knew I would move away from the place I’d lived all my life. Many friends did the same but some stayed away and others returned. When we moved from London we chose somewhere not too far from family but far enough that visits had to be arranged. We’d never bump into them or have them call in unexpectedly. I love having my family to visit but I also love the independence we get from living with a little distance between us.

The holiday was a great success. We all got along, did what we wanted, enjoyed each other’s company. A week together was perfect. Any longer and things might have become complicated. My parents were tired out by the calls to play of two small girls. The teenagers started to need their space. Now we’re home again there’s just the four of us and life feels simple. Though needless to say we’re all really looking forward to our next get-together.