I’m not talking literally of course. There are genuinely things we can’t live without. Food, water, air…you know, those kinds of essentials. I’m talking silly stuff, stuff we’ve come to rely on. A few I’ve read recently in magazines, or heard in person: I can’t live without my scented candles, I can’t live without bergamot tea (honestly!), I can’t live without Beauty Flash Balm, I can’t live without my monthly haircut. And the best? I can’t live without my Ralph Lauren cashmere throws.

I wrote a post about this a while ago but never published it. I just wasn’t happy with what it ultimately said. But I watched a documentary recently about Kibera, Africa’s largest slum, and it made me think about it again. Four celebrities went to live there for a week (http://www.rednoseday.com/whats-on/tv-listings/famous-rich-and-in-the-slums). I’ve seen programmes like it before, I’ve even been to a few places in the world not so very different. But for some reason this one really hit me. And I’m sorry but I have to share a few things about it, in case you missed it.

• Kibera is the biggest slum in Africa and one of the biggest in the world. It houses almost 1 Million people.
• The Government owns all the land.
• The average size of shack in this area is 12ft x 12ft built with mud walls. These shacks often house up to 8 or more, many sleeping on the floor.
• 1 in 5 children don’t survive beyond their 5^th birthday.
• Only about 20% of Kibera has electricity.
• Until recently Kibera had no water.
• In most of Kibera there are no toilet facilities. One latrine (hole in the ground) is shared by up to 50 shacks. Once full, young boys are employed to empty – they take the contents to the river.
• There are no government clinics or hospitals.

So, what were we talking about? Oh yes, cashmere throws. And scented candles. I honestly do my best not to be dramatic or emotional and we’ve written before on The Minimal List about the privilege of choosing to live simply (http://www.theminimallist.com/2009/09/fad/). But pose the “what can’t you live without” question to a resident of Kibera and the answers would be the literal ones.

So what can’t you live without?

If you’ve read some of our earlier posts, you’ll know what a mess we’ve been in financially. Though our escape was easy compared to some, at the depths of our debt there were times I could see no way out. Life was consumed with consuming because we were in so deep a little more didn’t seem to make much difference. I lost sleep, couldn’t open post and didn’t answer the phone. I tell myself now that the experience did have a positive side in that it has made me scared to death of ever spending too much again. As we are poised on the brink of a little spare cash, I hope that it really did.

Since paying off our debt we have bought relatively little. In fact, we have gone out of our way to rid ourselves of the booty that got us into the mess in the first place and we no longer own anything we don’t really need or use. But I’m acutely aware that we aren’t as good as I’d like us to be at always being careful and the very idea that there’s finally some money coming from all our hard work makes me wonder if we can pretend we still don’t have any. Can we resist just having a quick look in that nice shop in town that we always walk past? Can we still make the most economic decisions and spend time checking we’re getting the best deal?

Minimalism is easy if you don’t have anything. With spare cash comes temptation. I love our simpler life not just because I fear debt but because all that stuff never actually made us happy. I look back at us just a few years ago and the difference is astounding. I sometimes can’t believe it was me who spent £200 on yet another bag without thinking. Being in debt doesn’t make you scared of spending money. Being free of debt is what gives you the healthy respect you need to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

The counter-view, of enlightenment through self-denial, is not a glamorous concept (especially its poster-boy, the emaciated old man on the mountain). There is a weird kind of paradox here, though, which has at its heart the crushing realisation that discipline and denial are what really lead to fulfillment and happiness.

Trying to circumvent this harsh lesson is what’s led us to celebrity diets, low-fat foods, electrically-stimulating toning pads, engineered corsetry, fat-absorption tablets, stomach-stapling and having your jaws wired shut. I mean, everyone knows (surely?) that eating sensibly and exercising is the way to maintain a healthy weight. And, to get back to the food shopping, planning and control can get you to really think about what you eat, in a good way, while filling your basket with whatever takes your fancy can just make you feel a bit lost.

So, if we know this, if we know deep down that discipline and denial are the ways to achieve many of the things we want to achieve, how is it that we still can’t do it? The simple fact is this: however much you want the end result, the reality of the here-and-now is a stronger force than the mental image of the reward. And there are even greater forces at work. Anyone who’s ever smoked will know that it’s the miserable reality of giving up that gets to you. The idea is great, but giving up smoking means spending every day, for the rest of your life, not smoking. Continuing to smoke is as easy as lighting a cigarette.

Using discipline and denial as routes to achieving the kind of life we want takes a particular mindset. That’s not to say that the mindset can’t be cultivated, but it takes hard work. And you really have to want it.